Hurt Isn't Just Physical
by Veridissima
Summary: This is a one-shoot centred in CJ. It's about something that happened in her past. It's a little bit of CJ/Danny, Andie/Toby and CJ/Toby/Andie friendship Please give it a try I'm not really good at writing summaries


_It's a CJ one-shoot, with Danny and CJ situated a little bit after the "Requiem" (let's suppose that the funeral was held on a Sunday), and with a flashback before the White House and the campaign with CJ, Toby, Andie and a male character created by me, Evan._

_If miscarriage and abuse are touching issues for you, please be aware that the story contains both these issues. _

_I hope you will like it._

_Sorry for any mistake, English is not my maternal language. _

_I don't own West Wing._

* * *

Five days had passed since the funeral, Danny had barely left CJ's apartment, he had spent every night in her bed, even if they didn't make love, he would just hold her.

It was now Friday, the day at the White House had been slow, so she came home earlier than normal. They ate some Chinese food, that she had picked up before coming home, in bed and after they put the tray with the food on the floor, they made love until the tiredness won.

In the afterglow, she was lying next to Danny with her head resting in his shoulder, with her naked body fitting perfectly with his. While one of his hands played with her hair, the other rested on her rib, and he spoke, interrupting the silence, when he felt something strange.

"Do you have a broken rib?"

"Oh… Yes." She said nervously, trying to push away the dark images of that particularly memory.

"How did that happen?"

"I fell down the stairs when I was little."

"That must have hurt?"

"Yeah, of course." She said trying to forget the subject.

"Okay. Let's get some sleep." He said understanding that she didn't want to talk more. So he gave her a kiss on the forehead and closed his eyes.

"Danny…" She said sitting up in the bed and pushing the blankets with her, and with the most insecure face that Danny had ever seen in her. So he sat up, put his arm around her and kissed her temple.

"CJ, what is?" He said with a low voice that sounded more like a whisper.

"Danny…" She said again with the tears in her eyes finally falling. "Danny…"

"CJ, you are scaring me. What's going on?"

"I… I lied about the rib and…" He passed his hand softly by her cheek, cleaning the tears out of her face and calming her. "What I'm about to tell you… I always lie about the rib, I tell a story about a fall but I feel I can't lie to you. I never told the truth to anyone besides the doctor who treated me, and the lawyer, Toby and Andie only know part of the story. So…"

"CJ, I'm here. I'm not going anywhere, you can tell me."

And CJ closed her eyes remembering something she had tried to forget for many years.

* * *

_15 years before, New York _

I can't believe it's positive, I've been careful, I'm on the pill, and I used condoms every time. How can I end up pregnant? I need to be sure, I need to go to the doctors, get a blood sample and confirm this.

So I leave the house and go to my doctor's practice, she asks me all kind of questions about my sex life, starting with how many partners I have been with in the past month (one by the away, it's just Evan), if we have been tested (that's a no), the last time I had sex (yesterday), how I've been felling (nauseous and tired, between other things); then she takes a blood sample and says that tomorrow she will call me with the results.

So I just go home, buying an entire chocolate cake first, bring it to my room with a fork where I change to sweatpants and to an old shirt that I stole from my father's closet, before going away for college. I lay on my own bed for the rest of the night, watching old movies and eating.

My phone rings million of times during the night, I ignore it every time. It's probably Andie or Toby, first I think that they had a fight again and just want to bitch about each other, they are completely crazy in love but they just hate to show it. But after a few times I think they got a little worried, because they show up in my front door around 9 p.m., so I have to stand up (only time, without counting the times to go to the bathroom) and open the door.

"CJ, we were worried." Andie almost screams.

"I'm just tired, guys. I just wanted to stay in bed. Sorry."

"Oh… Okay, CJ. But next time, try to answer the phone." And I think maybe I should tell them about the baby, they would help, but I decide to tell them when I'm sure. So after this short conversation they leave, and I'm alone again.

Around 11 p.m. I receive another call and this time I decide to take it, could be them again, but this time is Evan asking if I wanna pass by his apartment for a little fuck, and I tell him I can't because I have an early day tomorrow, he says okay and hangs up.

I'm sure he will be calling another girl, and I don't mind… that much, we are not exclusive (even if I'm not sleeping with anyone else), it just hurts to know that (maybe, maybe not) he's the father of my child.

I let myself fall asleep with the TV still on, and without turning on the alarm clock, so when I wake up in the next morning, I'm late; I eat a quick breakfast and have to run to catch the taxi, because my car is at the shop again.

When I enter the office, Toby comes running.

"CJ, are you fine? We were worried, you didn't take our calls, and you kind of push us out of the door."

"I'm fine, Toby. I was just tired and wanted to be alone."

"Okay. Are you still gonna go with us to the bar tonight, right?"

"Yes, I just need to see Evan first. But I'll be there."

After saying this, Toby leaves my office, I love working with him even if we both know that this guy won't win (I think Toby, at same point, has lost any faith in winning anytime in his life), but I stick by Toby, he's my bestfriend (okay, sometimes I'm on Andie's side, but that's different she's also my bestfriend, and she's a girl and we have to stick together, don't we?).

I work for the rest of the day; I skip lunch so I could finish earlier, only interrupting my work when I get the call from my doctor, Dr.ª Reid, confirming my news.

When I leave the office, I call Evan telling him that I'm going to his apartment, he's always at home drinking, he's between jobs now (that's what I tell myself, Andie calls him 'the creep that wants to live out of your money', and he's been telling me to leave him but now with this baby, he will be in my life forever, even if he's not involved).

I'm in the front of his door, about to do something that will change the course of my life, so I take a deep breath, knock on the door, and hear someone grunt.

"It's open."

So taking another deep breath, I enter the apartment, I find him lying in his armchair with a cold beer in his hand, and he immediately poses his beer and pushes me to his lap and brings his lips to mine, kissing me with so much strength that leaves me dizzy.

His mouth tastes like alcohol and smoke and I ask myself what am I doing with him, and I remember the first time I saw him, he saved me from being run over by a bus, he asked me if I wanted to go for drinks in the next day, I said yes, so we went, we drank and since then our relationship is based in alcohol and sex, of course, great sex, maybe that's the reason, great drunk sex.

So I let him kiss me, but when his lips start to open, asking for my tongue, I push myself away, remembering the real reason for me to come here. So I let myself out of his kisses and his lips, making him ask:

"What are you doing? I thought you came here for sex."

"I need to tell you something, Evan."

"Sounds serious, Jay-Jay." I hate that name, but I never told him, that's just what he calls me.

"It is, but it isn't something bad, maybe it is. I don't know. I just need to tell you something."

"Okay, the floor is yours."

"Evan… I'm… I'm pregnant."

"What? How could that happen?"

"It just happened."

"It can't just happen." He yells with anger in his eyes, he stands up and starts coming close to me.

"Is it my baby?"

"Yes. And I'm going to let you think about it. I'll come by tomorrow."

So I leave his house, I'm scared with what will he do to me. Sincerely, I really don't want him involved, and if he gets violent, I can't put my child at risk.

Wait… Am I keeping the baby?

There are options, abortion or adoption. I don't really know what to do… but I think I can't give up my baby, I have good… enough money, a supporting family (okay, not sure, I think my father still likes to think I'm a virgin) and friends (Toby will say it's career suicide, but deep down, he will be there for me, I think… if not, Andie will make him). But I close my eyes trying to push these issues out of my mind, and walk home. It takes me around 27 minutes to get home. I take a shower, dress in some old jeans and when I'm putting on my blouse, I stop for a while to look at my belly; I'm not even showing, but… I feel kind of different, like more important, like I have someone, something so powerful that can bring peace to this world full of awful people. But I push this issues out of my head again, until I make a decision; maybe I should tell Andie she would help me, with this I remember I am to meet them in five minutes, so I finish getting dressed and get out of the apartment, and I decide to walk to the bar.

The bar is small, really cosy and is where I, Toby and Andie come most of the nights we aren't working. When I enter I instantly find Toby and Andie, they are in a little table in the corner, whispering to each other, and I think that maybe it's better for me to leave because sometimes I fell like a third wheel, and a little jealous, not because I like either of them (anymore), but because they have someone, then I decide to join them, when Andie slaps him in his arm. And I hear Toby saying.

"Hey, Andrea… You don't need to hit me. I didn't do nothing wrong."

"You went on the date with Ann Stark." Andie yells when I'm aproaching the table and I think again about running away. But Toby sees me first and stops me from going away.

"CJ, tell your crazy friend that I didn't go on a date with Ann."

"Tobias Ziegler, don't call me crazy again." Andie says and the look in her face is redder than I had ever seen.

"CJ, just tell her." I don't really know what to answer, they are both looking at me.

"Can I sit first?"

"CJ!" They both scream at me, while I sit.

"Okay, okay, calm down. Who's Ann Stark?"

"It's a girl I went to college with."

"And he used to date."

"I didn't date her, we just slept together."

"Tobus, I think you're doing worst." I say to him. "Okay, but what does it matter, it's in the past." But they don't hear me, they are already screaming at each other, most times it's fun but I think this time it's a little bit more serious.

"Way better, Toby. Was she one of the girls you fucked while I was in California?"

"First, Andrea, we weren't exclusive, and I'm sure I can ask CJ if you hadn't also you had your share of guys during that time, okay?"

"But I don't talk to them now." She says this time more calm and with more fear in her voice than anger, her eyes also have soften and I decide not to say anything and see how Toby would handle this. And he takes her hands, looks in her eyes, and I can see the love in his eyes (the Toby that just a few people get to see) and says.

"Andie, I love you, I have loved you for a very long time, now. And it's true that I used to sleep with Ann." At this moment I see Andie turning her head away, but he pushes it back to his eyes. "And today, I went to have coffee with her, but you have to trust me, it was purely business, I just wanted to make an appointment for my candidate with hers, because if they both work together, they could help each other win." And now, I know who's Ann, she was in the office this afternoon before I left, I think she was looking for Jim to confirm the meeting. "Andie, was just that." Toby finishes saying and kisses her very softly in the lips.

"Did she flirt with you?" Andie asks now, way more secure.

"I don't think so, no." He says with so much certain.

"Did you talk about anything more than work?"

"Yes, he talked a little bit about college, and then what we have been doing now. She told me she was dating a college friend of us for a month, now…" But Andie interrupts him.

"She wants you. She wanted you to know that she isn't in anything serious."

"I'm flatered you think every women wants me." He says laughing. "But I think she just told me that, because I comment first that I'm still with you…"

"See, she wanted to see if you were single."

"She saw CJ in the office, she said she looked even more taller." And they turn their eyes to me, acknowledging my presence. "And I laughed, and told her and I didn't notice because I saw her everyday, so she came to the conclusion that we are still pretty close then I told her that we, _three,_ are still best friends and that I'm living with you, now."

"Oh, okay. But, please, can you try to avoid talk to her again?"

"Sure." He says kissing her month again, now, with more passion, making me turn my head away, and then pushing her to his chest where she rest her head. And finally turning their conversation to me.

"Hey, CJ."Andie says to me in her normal joyful voice.

"Hey, Andie. Tobus, didn't really like the joke about my height there."

"Sorry, CJ. To repay you, I'm going to get the drinks, a grasshooper for you and you, Andie?"

"Another of this." Andie says pointing to the cup now empty, and I say.

"No, Toby. Please bring me just ginger ale." And he just gives me a look, to what I answer. "Yesterday, I was sick, I really don't wanna risk getting worst again."

"Oh. Okay." He says giving up, but Andie gives me a look that says that she wants to talk to me, so I suppose that I have to tell her later.

"Are you better? Toby told me you left the office earlier."

"Went to see my doctor. She said it should be a bug or something." I hate lying to her, I feel like she can tell I'm lying, but if she does she doesn't tell anything. But I still try to change the subject. "So what was all that fight about Ann?"

"I don't know. I'm nervous, CJ. Me and Toby are dating for more than 10 years. That's a lot. And we are engaged but…" This lets me confuse, so I sit close to her and whisper to her.

"Are you having second thoughts about marrying him?"

"No. It's just. If he is? If he wants to screw another woman and…?"

"Andie, look at me. Toby loves you very much. I have know him since a I was 8 years old and you make him happy. He smiles when he sees you."

"Oh… But do you know that 50% of the marriages end in divorce. And if we?"

"You won't, I won't let it."

"Okay. Thanks, CJ."

"No problem."

And Toby comes back to the table, and he decides to sit between us, after giving me my ginger ale, and another scotch on the rocks with a twist to Andie, he gives her a look that she notices this time and puts her more calm.

"So what are you girls talking?" He asks pushing Andie to his chest.

"How much hair you are losing." And he just gives me a look, for me to shut up, but I feel a little bit of insecurity in his eyes. Their relationship is so complicated, now I can tell that Toby he's thinking that is not good enough for Andie, he's feeling he's out of her league. "I'm joking." His face relaxes a little bit. "It's for the tall joke. We still like even if you turn bold, Toby." He doesn't feel much better after I saying that, I think I did worst, but Andie turns around and kisses his cheek, and that makes him relax, even if he never admits that he's insecure. But I and Andie can read him.

We stay in the bar for a long time, we discuss the campaign, Andie has great ideas, and I have told her a million of times that she should join us, but she says that she can't work with Toby; she says that he screams too much (and that's only good in the bedroom), every time she says that it puts not so good images in my head, she loves that. Sincerely I think she would be better in the front and not behind someone, she will do something. But now she's working in a stupid job.

"You know guys, you are lucky to have that job." She almost yells; she's completely drunk.

"Andie, I have said million times that you can get a job in the campaign." Toby says again.

"Tobus, you know I love you, but I can't work with you. And sorry, guys, but you are gonna lose."

"Yeah, we know. You don't want to work with Toby but why don't you quit."

"Because it's a great job, we do great things, and it looks really good in my resumé."

"So the problem is?"

"Is that everyone thinks that I'm just a cute piss of ass, and that I got the job by screwing somebody, or because my father put in a good word for me. Nobody cares if I have brains, they don't let me talk, and they just want me in a mini skirt and showing a good cleavage for the reunions." I hate that men do things like this, at least they care for my opinion, and that I always have Toby. So I point to her.

"Andie, that's sexual harassment. You can sue them."

"Yeah. They are rich, CJ. And they never touch me in any away."

"Andie, if they ever…"

"I would tell you Toby." She says looking at him and squeezing his hand.

"Okay. Sorry to ask, Andie, but how did you get the job?" When Toby asks this, I fear that Andie will take it as an insult but she doesn't, and answers calmly.

"I ran into one of the men in the administration, he was one of my father's friends, I was pretty close with his daughter, until they move to New York. We talked for a while, he said that he thought I would never leave California, since me and her made a huge protest when she was leaving for NY, but I said I lived here now and that I was looking for a job in the business and that between I was waiting tables. He said he would give me an interview, I said I didn't want one just because of my dad and he said it wasn't, he liked me, my resumé and what I said so I got the job. But then the guy died, and I'm this position for the last 4 years. And I had already told you this… You guys are looking at me and thinking rich girl problems, right? I hate when I do that."

"No, it's not that. It's just that… I don't know. You're right."

"The problem is stupid? Should I go work for my father?"

"No, it's not that. Andie, you know me and Toby are proud of you for trying to make something out of you without your father's influence. I get your problem, I just don't know what to say."

"Thanks, CJ. Toby anything to add?"

"No, you know I'm behind you with whatever decision you make."

"Thanks." And she kisses him, and I look at my watch, and it's getting late and before I could say something, Andie beats me to it. "Hey, it's late. Maybe we should go home."

"Yeah. I still have to check that speech for tomorrow. CJ, are you leaving with us?"

"Yeah. Do you need anything for tomorrow, Toby?"

"No. Just try to come earlier tomorrow, big day. Around 5.30 a.m."

"Sure, Toby. Can you pick me up?" He nods his head, and when is about to answer, Andie says something first.

"I don't know how you agree with that CJ. You must be a saint." Andie jokes while she leaves the money in the table.

We three go in one cab as normally. The taxi drops up Toby and Andie first, and Andie saying goodbye, reminds me that she needs to talk to me, and I had tought she had already forget.

When I get to my apartment's door, it's almost midnight, that means around 4 hours of sleep, if I don't wake up earlier with morning sickness. I pay the cab driver, and enter my building, I live in a fourth floor, but when I go to open my door and I see she isn't lock. I enter really carefully, scared that someone is in here, than I see by my counter in the kitchen that is really someone in my apartment, it's Evan.

"Evan, you scared the crap out of me. I thought it was a thief, rapist, kidnapper or something like that."

"No, Jay. It's just me. No need to be scared" He turns around and I see he's completely drunk, and his eyes show anger again like just before I left his apartment. And I'm scared again.

"Hey, Evan. You're drunk. Why don't you go lie down, I'll be there in a minute."

"I'm not drunk, CJ." He says now, he's coming close, I'm now against the door. I can smell the alcohol in him. He presses one hand against the door, the other grabs me by the hair, pushing my lips to his, I try to pull away, and he just grabs my hair more tight, when he finally lets me breath, I ask.

"Evan, what are you doing? Let go of me. I'm tired, I have to be awake in four hours."

"So what? You're pregnant, so you think you can do everything you want. You're a bitch, you know?" He screams and then slaps my face really hard, I almost fall, but I can get away and I run to the kitchen. He screams again. "Do you think you can get away, Claudia? You fucked up my life, you're gonna pay."

I'm scared, I put my arm around my belly as an impulse to protect my baby. And think of a way to try to get the phone, he comes to the kitchen, and picks up a knife.

"Already protecting that little shit."

"Evan, please. You don't need to be there for the baby, you can just leave. I'm not asking for anything. Just leave us alone."

"Oh… Claudia, so naïve. I thought you would know best. If you wanted a baby are other ways, you shouldn't have lied to me." He comes close, I'm now in the living room, a few meters of the phone.

"Evan, I didn't lie the metods aren't infallible."

"With every other girl worked. I knew I shouldn't fuck someone with brains and thirty, it's normal that you would trick me into having kids."

"The condon didn't work, Evan." I scream.

"Don't scream at me, bitch." He yells back, as I pick up the phone, he trows the knife cuting the wire, and comes launching at me, I fall into the couch, he's above me now, his legs squeezing my thighs, he passes his hand by my cheek as I turn my face away.

"What? Don't you like it?"

"Please…"

"I love hearing you beg."

"Evan… Leave me alone"

I say as I close my eyes, he's licking my face, his tongue is inside my mouth seconds later, I try to push him away, my hands in his chest, when I finally push his lips away for mine, he punches me in the face, I feel blood running trought my nose, I think I pass out for a little bit, because the next thing I remember, my pants are lowered, and his trying to put his fingers inside me, he still thinks I'm pass out, so I can get away from the couch and push my pants back up.

"Evan… you were going to?" I say with tears in my eyes.

"Yes, I was my little slut. Come here."

I pull away even farther, I get to hold the doorknob, but before I open, he punches me again in the face one time and two in the stomach. I fall to the floor.

"The baby…"

"He's gonna die, sweetheart. Like you. You are lucky I don't get to fuck you first. I have more girls for that, ones that still are young."

He kicks me now, repeatedly, in my belly, I feel a huge pain. I start screaming and crying even harder, he kicks in the face too, more three times I black out.

He continues kicking me, when he leaves the clock marks 1.43 a.m. He leaves only saying.

"Bye, bitch. It was good fucking you and living out of your money." Kicking me in the face one last time, without even looking back.

In the next morning, I'm still lying next to the door, I can't move, and my eyes can't open, but I can hear. I hear the horn outside, and then the phone inside, and I know it's Toby picking me up.

After a few minutes the horn stops and I hear my doorbell, I suppose he rings one of my neighbors, because next are knocks in my door and him yelling.

"CJ, open up. I'm worried. Please open up."

I still can't move, or talk or even open my eyes, but I hear the door opening, in the next minutes everything happens so quickly, I feel Toby running to my side, trying to wake me up, he's crying (for the second time since I know him, the first was last year when his mother died).

"CJ, you can't die on me… I need you, Andie need you, your father and your brothers need you and little Hogan… Oh… I can feel a pulse. It's weak. CJ, I'm gonna try to use one of your neighbor's phone." He says to me, but more talking to himself. I hear him leaving the apartment and comes back a few moments later, Mrs. O'Mahony, my neighbor from the third floor, a few minutes behind saying that she had called 911 and that they should be here in a few minutes.

"Okay. Thank you, Mrs…"

"Karen, please."

"Karen, can I use your phone, please. I need to call work to say that we won't be coming and to call her bestfriend to meet us there."

"Oh, sure, dear. Here is the key. I stay with her."

"Okay, thanks. I'll be quick."

I hear Toby leaving the room, the older woman sits besides me and holds my head.

"Oh, sweetie. That boy is worried about you. CJ, you need to wake up, you bring joy to this building, we are all just a group of old people."

She stays there with her hand resting in my head.

Toby had just called to work, he said that he needed to take CJ to the hospital, and the only thing they asked was for him to send the papers. How can people not ask what's wrong with her. He's now dialing his home number, he whispers to himself.

"Andie, please pick up. Please pick up." He hears her pick up the phone.

"Who is it? Toby already left."

"Andie…"

"Toby, if you forget anything you come back and get it. I'm not getting up because you need something. I wanna sleep."

"Andie, it's not that. It's CJ…"

"Toby, what's wrong? You're scaring me."

"I found CJ pass out in her apartment, her pulse is weak. I have called the ambulance, they should be here in any moment. Can you meet us in the hospital?"

"Yes, of course. Toby, take care of her. Should he call her family?"

"I don't know. Just come to the hospital."

"Okay. I love you, Toby. And don't leave her side."

"I won't. Please hurry up, I can't do this without you, I love you. I can't lose her, Andie."

"We won't, Toby. CJ will be just fine. Bye."

"Bye."

Toby hangs up the phone and looks at the air for a little bit before living for CJ's apartment again.

I hear him enter again.

"Any change?"

"No. She still doesn't respond. Her pulse is still weak. And I put some water in her head."

"Okay. I'm gonna pick her up and move her downstairs."

When he picks me up I feel an excruciating pain in my ribs and lower back. I'm almost sure that my baby is dead, that the bastard killed him. I didn't tell anyone, so I won't have to deal with pity eyes and other things, I don't wanna tell this to anyone ever. I can mourne alone. I will survive this. I think Toby can feel that I'm in pain, he says that's something wrong with my rib so he put it together with a sweater.

He walks down the stairs with me in his arms, he sits on the steps, still holding me and I can feel his tears in my skin.

"You're gonna be okay." He repeats this over and over again.

Finally I hear the sirens, someone takes me out of his arms and puts me in a gurney, they push me to the ambulance, Toby still holding my hand.

"Do you want to come in the ambulance with her?"

"Yeah. Sure."

He sits besides me. The paramedic gives me oxygen, and checks everything, I can hear that his writing something, I suppose it's my state.

"So you are her boyfriend?" I think Toby doesn't hear the first time, the second time he asks, Toby laughs for the first time since he found me.

"Oh… No. Bestfriend. She's my family."

"Oh… Do you have any idea who could have done this?"

"No."

"Does she have enemies?"

"Directly, no. But she works in politics, people from other candidates or something. But I don't think they would hurt her, she isn't that big." I want to punch him right now. "She would have hit me right now if she was wake."

"Okay. Is she dating anyone?"

"She is seeing some guy, Evan, I think. But it's best if you guys talk with Andie."

"Andie?"

"My fiancé. Her other bestfriend, she knows more about the girly stuff. She's meeting me in the hospital, you can talk to her there."

"Okay. The police will be there to talk with you. I'm now gonna give her something to relax."

And that was the last thing I hear before I fall asleep.

When I wake up next, it's already dark outside, I see that Andie is sleeping besides me, her hand is holding mine and her head is resting just next to my body, when I look up and see Toby siting by the window.

"Toby…" I try to speak, but my voice is really low. But Toby still listens, he turns around and when he sees me wake he sit next to me.

"How are you feeling?"

"Tired. What time is it?" He looks at his wrist.

"2 a.m. You have been sleeping for an entire day. You gave us quite the scare. Talking about it I have to wake up Andie, I promessed her I would wake her up if anything changed, that was the only way to get her to sleep."

"Don't wake her up. I'm really tired, and I think I'm just gonna fall asleep again."

"Okay. So sweet dreams. You know you can count on us. Do you want me to call your family? We didn't, we were waiting to call if you didn't wake up until tomorrow."

"Thanks for not calling. They have their own problems. I'm fine, I don't think they need to know. And thanks Toby for being here."

"Anytime." And he kisses my forehead.

"You also need to sleep, Toby."

"I will. Stop acting like a mother." When Toby says that, it's like my heart stops, I bring my hand to my stomach (Toby had already closed his eyes, so he didn't notice) and think that I really need to talk to my doctor privately tomorrow. I fall asleep thinking the way I lost my chance of motherhood.

When I wake up next, I see that the sun had already rose, Toby is sleeping in the chair next to me with his jacket lying above him, and Andie had left, so I suppose she was the one to cover Toby. I try to sit in the bed, but feel a horrible pain in my side and see it's covered with a gauze.

"Hey." I hear someone say from the door and when I lift up my head I see that is Andie.

"Hey, Andie."

"I went to get coffee. Do you need something?"

"No. I'm okay."

"Okay." She says giving me a kiss. "I have to wake up Toby. Oh. And the doctor wanted to talk to you as soon as you woken up."

"Oh. Okay. Did he say anything to you, guys?"

"No. Just that you would be fine. He couldn't give us any information, because we are not family. And we didn't call your family, because…"

"Yeah. I know, Toby told me last night."

"I said to him to wake me up, if you woke up."

"I was to tired to talk, I was only wake for a few minutes, I told him it wasn't worth waking you up."

"Okay. We are going to the cafeteria, we will be back in ten minutes, okay?"

"Sure." And Andie tries to wake up Toby.

"Toby, please wake up. CJ is up and the doctor needs to talk to her." He opens his eyes. He gives her a soft kiss in her lips, and then turns to me.

"CJ, are you feeling better?"

"Yeah, a little better."

"I'm happy for it. The doctor wants to talk to you."

"Yeah. Andie already told me."

"Yeah, Toby. We're going downstairs to eat something."

"Okay. CJ, will be back in a few." He says as he picks Andie's hand and both walk away.

The doctor comes a few minutes later with a police officer behind him.

"Miss Cregg, can we talk to you?"

"Yeah. Call me CJ."

"Okay. I'm Dr. Perry and she's Officer Geller."

"Doctor is the baby…?"

"I'm very sorry CJ. We weren't sure, if you knew."

"I found out two days ago. Besides the baby, is anything more I should know?" I had been sure that the I had suffered a miscarriage, but now after the doctor said it, it hurt even more, I feel a hole in my heart, like something is missing.

"A few broken ribs, one of them was really broken, so you can feel a little mark there, even after it heals." Seems fitting with the way I feel. "You also have a broken nose, a black eye and a few other cuts in your face and arms, but all superficial."

"How much time will take to heal?"

"Maybe a month, maybe less, maybe more."

"Okay. When can I leave?"

"Two days, maybe. But you need to come back for check ups. And I would prefer if you wouldn't stay alone in the first week, you may need some help moving. Do you have someone you can live for a few days?"

"Yeah. I can ask my friends. I'm sure they won't mind."

"Okay. I'm gonna leave and let the officer talk to you."

"Okay. Thanks doctor."

"I'll come to check on you later and I will ask the nurse to bring you something to eat, okay?"

"I'm not hungry."

"You need to eat and I will give you the number of a good terapist."

"Okay." Do I really need one? Maybe it's for the best, doesn't hurt trying. But still I don't wanna tell anyone.

"CJ, can I ask some questions?" I see the doctor had left and it was just me and the officer, she had sat in the chair that was previous occupied by Toby.

"Do you know the person who did this to you?"

"Yes, it was Evan Jones, a guy I was seeing." Next I give her all the information I have about Evan, and told her what happened after I came home.

"Okay. I think that's all. We'll catch the guy, there should be a court trial, and he should go to jail for many years, for violence, tentative of rape and murder. Thanks for your corporation."

"Thanks for your help." She leaves the room and a few seconds later Andie and Toby enter with a car full of food.

"Hey, we are suppose to make sure you eat. And I'm not letting you give your pie to Toby."

"Are you sure, Tobus?"

"Yes, CJ. So what did the police say?"

"First, what did the doctor say?" Andie point out to me.

"Some broken ribs, a broken nose, and as you see, and didn't bored to tell me, a few cuts and a black eye."

"Okay." Toby says as he sits in the foot of the bed, while Andie sits next to me with her hand holding mine. "And the police said?"

"He should go to jail. The trial should be easy."

"CJ, who did it?" Andie whispers to me.

"Evan." Toby stands up, he has anger in his eyes.

"I'm gonna kill him."

"Toby…"

"CJ, he hadn't the right to do that to you." Toby screams.

"Toby, don't scream. CJ is not good to answer to your screaming, right now."

"Sorry, CJ." He says coming sit on the other side of me, I put my face in his shoulder, and cry. Andie holds my hand and tries to calm me by strocking my back, while Toby passes his hand by my hair.

* * *

Now around fifteen years later, CJ had her face burried in another man's shoulder, while he stroked her hair and whispered in her ear.

"CJ, you're okay now. You can trust me, just let go."

CJ let herself cry, when she finally calmed down, Danny passed her a cup of tea, that he had made while she told him about the past, she was now dressed in one of Danny's shirts and Danny still had his arms around her.

" I'm sorry, Danny. I shouldn't have..."

"CJ, it's okay to cry. I'm not going away. I'm here."

"Thanks."

"No problem. Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah."

"How much time did the guy get?"

"Fifteen years, I think, He should be getting out around this year."

"That doesn't scare you."

"It didn't until now."

"I'm sorry."

"Can we change the subject?"

"Okay, another question?"

"Shoot."

"By what you have told me, it seems that you and Congresswoman Wyatt were pretty close. But I've never seen you two together, okay I have but not in that way?"

"She was my roommate during college and my bestfriend, she and Toby…" CJ stoped for a while she thought about Toby, and that didn't go unnoticed by Danny. "I introduced her to Toby, the three of us became bestfriends, but then they got divoced, I became like a child of divorce, and because I knew Toby since I was eight and I had to work with him, I took his side, unintentionally."

"Okay. Why didn't you tell them?"

"I don't know. I think I didn't want them to look at me differently."

"But you told me?"

"I'm sick of having to lie to you. In my work, I have to hide things from you, the press, it's my job, I can't tell you things, just because I want, just because I think it's right, I can't and he can't." This last part came out as much as a whisper. "And I had to lie to you about my feelings, I had to lie to myself, but now, it just a little more than two months, and I don't care, I wanna start this, even if I don't know what is, right now, I wanna be capable of telling the true, of trusting you. You came back, when all the others left."

"CJ…" He said holding her hand and strocking it.

"You know I never thought you would come back, you would wait for me. Especially after everyone left, they left me alone, Danny."

"CJ, I promised you I would come back. I loved you, I love you and I will always love you. I knew you need time, but now I'm here and not leaving. I love you Claudia Jean Cregg."

"Danny…" Danny silenced her, bringing his finger to his lips and then giving her a soft kiss.

"I'm not saying this to hear it back. You don't need to say it. But you need to know that I have loved you for a long time. And CJ, you need to know they love you, too. But I really hope neither of them wants to rip that clothes out of you, you know if that's true I may have to kick some ass." With this sentence CJ did one of the things that Danny most loved about her, she laughed.

"Would love to see that."

"Who do you think I should kick first?"

"What about all at the same time."

"You want to see me getting beaten up."

"Of course. Always fun. And I could kiss you better." She said while she lay on top of him with her head resting on his chest. "Am I hurting you?"

"You know I should feel insulted, that you think I'm that weak."

"You're not that young, Danny." With this Danny rolled her over, so he was on top and could start tickling her.

"Danny… Please stop… Please…"

"Say the magic words."

"You are strong." She said between giggles, Danny gave her a peck on the lips and then stoped the tickles and pushed her to his arms, CJ thought it felt good to feel young again and loved, happy and safe.

"Thank you. So have you talked to them?"

"Who?"

"Who have we been talking about. Toby, Josh…"

"Sam, Leo… Yeah. I used to talk to Leo, especially when I took the job, getting used to that was hard, the first time I entered the Situation Room I was so scared, but Leo gave me a few pointers. Oh, Danny… I'm gonna miss him so much."

"I know, sweetie. He was a great man."

"Yeah, he was. Sam calls me in special ocasions, in the beginning he called more, but we kind of drift apart, but you know he's engaged."

"Again?"

"That's what I said. Josh wants to bring him back, to be his deputy."

"Do you think he will take it?"

"Yeah, maybe."

"Do you think he would leave another fiancée for the job?"

"He didn't leave the first one for that reason, he left because it wasn't right. And I don't know, we will see."

"For this talk I suppose you still talk to Josh."

"Yeah. First was a little bit hard, because I got the job, that was suppose to be his. But then he got it, the why, it was because he needed to go and bring someone new to the White House, and he did a great job. After we talked frequently, especially when he wanted tips in how to handle the press."

"And Toby?"

"Toby… Toby and I started to drift apart last year, he also felt betrayed by Josh leaving, I getting the job, and then David's suicide, you know he was the fist guy I kissed…"

"Toby?"

"No. David. In Toby's birthday, we were both twelve, a fifteen years old's Toby gave him a lecture about how to treat woman right, especially me."

"Should I be excepting one of those?"

"If we ever talk again, yes. I can't talk to him, they will find the records."

"You can call from here."

"I'm not ready. He hurt me the most, he just gave up, I feel really bad for the twins, I missed them besides missing him." Danny squeezed tighter. "I talk to Andie more, now. Because I want to see them, and I can't do it with Toby. Sometimes they call me at night to tell me about their day, especially after they are with Toby."

"When was the last time you saw them?"

"A long time ago. But they called me in election day, after Andie won. They always call me aunt CJ, and they said that Andie had told them that in a few months I was leaving the White House, and they asked if I could spent an entire day with them, I said yes, I couldn't deny that to my nephews, even if they are not by blood. My niece is too old to want to spend and entire day with me, unless we are shopping and I'm paying."

"Hogan, right?"

"Yeah, my brother, Jack, raised her alone, her mother died at the birth."

"Oh. I'm sorry."

"Thanks. Do you have nephews?"

"A lot. Seven sisters, two older - Mary Beth and Megan -, then me, than on year younger – Mary Margaret -, then with a ten year gap, two twin girls - Johanna and Madalena - and then the youngest Anastacia. And then 12 nephews.

"Wow. That's a lot."

"Yeah. Big family, not so fun when you are growing up and only have sisters that want to put make up on you."

"I would love to see those pictures."

"I bet there are a few embarrassing stories you can tell me."

"Not tonight. We have to leave something for another night."

"Yeah. Besides Jack, do you have any more brothers or sisters?"

"Paul, also older. Very protective of me, they didn't let me date anyone in high school, and didn't help that my father was the Math's teacher. But my friends were all boys, the girls made fun of me for being clumsy, too tall, etc, and the boys only see me as one of the boys."

"For what matters that boys and girls were stupid, you are the most beautiful woman I ever seen."

"Liar." She said punching him.

"Ow. It has been a long time that you didn't hit me."

"Did you miss it, Fishboy?"

"Or called me that."

"Yeah. You know Danny, I'm loving the sharing and everything, but I think I'm tired and I have to be up early."

"Okay. Will you think about what I said about giving a chance for Toby to explain?"

"Explain what? He leaked. What's up with your face?"

"I don't think he did it."

"He said he did."

"Did you ever ask him?"

"No. But he told…"

"You were the prime suspect. Everybody thought it was you."

"You think he said it to protect me."

"Maybe, I don't know. I just always thought he was too loyal to do something like that."

"You know people mentioned you, when they were making question. They were comparing you to Greg."

"Oh…" CJ saw sadness in Danny's eyes.

"Danny, nothing happened between me and Greg…"

"You don't need to… Especially today, you have relived enough, if you wanna tell me someday I'm still here, ready to listen."

"Okay. Did anything of the things I told you tonight freak you out?"

"No, CJ. Just show me that you are woman, that you have a past like everybody else and more important that you trust me enough to tell me this."

"Thanks." She kissed him. "Good night, Danny. I'm gonna set the alarm to 5.30 a.m. and then for 7 a.m., so you just need to wake up what the second ring."

"Thanks. But you know I will still wake up with you."

"Why? You can sleep a little more."

"I think you know the answer, Cee." CJ laughed a little. "Why are you laughing?"

"Andie used to calm me Cee, when we smoked."

"What?"

"Story for another night. Good night, Danny."

"Good night, CJ. Sweet dreams. You know I'm right here."

"Thanks. Do you know that everything I told you tonight is off record?"

"Really? I thought it was everything for me to post tomorrow."

"Danny… Don't joke about that."

"Sorry." He said for last, finally pushing CJ to his arms, having her head resting in his chest, he kissed her head. And they both fall asleep thinking about the past, the present and what was to come.

* * *

_This is the biggest one-shoot I ever wrote._

_It's the first time I write something in the first person and in the present, so please tell me what you think._

_Really hope you liked it._

_Sorry if any legal/medical thing is wrong (I really don't know much about that)._

_I'm thinking about doing another one-shoot about Toby/CJ/Andie in their college years, or a AU series where CJ's baby didn't die._

_Please leave your reviews._


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